i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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