new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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