I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
