alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
