Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is the high leading the old right now
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize