well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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