I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
