Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
