Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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