yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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