I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
