Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
