Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
