Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He felt like a one man threesome
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
