Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
