you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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