Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize