I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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