Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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