Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
