"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
