i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
