Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
