dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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