Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize