you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
