No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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