How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
