She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
