The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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