would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
