I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
