I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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