This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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