so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
