he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
