with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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