I met the friendliest cop last night
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
