Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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