you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
