True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
