Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
