I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
