this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm both gender and math confused
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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