college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
