We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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