So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
