Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
