I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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