You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
