"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
you never un-have a 4some
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
