ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
