He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
