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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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