apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
