I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
