Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
