Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
