can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
