that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
