I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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