my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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