if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
