You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
