Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
