I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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