people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
