Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
