I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
