i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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