You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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