Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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