Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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