I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
