I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
