I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
my liver is dry heaving
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
