Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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