i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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