I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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