I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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