Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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