Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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