He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize