the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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