I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
two words...techno handjob
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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