and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
