You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just had sex on a roof
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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