That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
