Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
MIDGETS
????
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
