Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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