Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
